The World's Most Outrageous Party Beaches

The World's Most Outrageous Party Beaches

We've come a long way since Beach Blanket Bingo. The wholesome, dopey '60s film series about youth's shenanigans on the shore watches like a Sunday-morning sermon compared to the unbridled debauchery that takes place at the world's wild party beaches of today, where bingo gives way to binge. When the the beat is loud, the bodies are bodacious and the weather's right--and in some places, it's never wrong--a switch is flicked in the wild, animalistic id of thousands that is helpless to the laws of logic, morality or good taste. Whether you're drooling to join in the madness or are just fascinated that these grinding, glistening, Grey Goose-guzzling creatures are breathing the same air as yourself, Where I've Been wants to take you on a tour of some of their most beloved seaside venues to practice vice. And we won't charge a cover at the door, we promise.

Ibiza - Spain

It's seen its share of E! and Travel Channel specials, sure, but Ibiza--dont forget to emphasize that 'z' as a "thhh"--is the reigning champion of beach-side insanity. Like many of the destinations we'll be examining, Ibiza, an island off the Valencia coast in Spain, carries much less in the way of its home country's historical and cultural capital than its counterparts, but sometimes the wild child was meant to wander off to create its own identity. A typical day in Ibiza begins at noon--that's when most partiers first wake up. From there the afternoon might include shopping or eating out, but sluggishness will reign supreme--most of that day will be spent recovering enough from the night previous in order to attack the one forthcoming. Perhaps the hungry reveler will first choose to get their freak on at Privilege, the Guinness record-holder as world's largest nightclub (capacity for 10,000 people), which resembles a miniature Epcot Center and frequently hosts superstar trance DJ Tiesto. Should 10,000 sweaty people wear you down, walk just a bit away to the nearby Amnesia, another Ibiza heavy-hitter famous for its raucous foam parties where some dancers sporting goggles and snorkels are engulfed in white soapy bubbles. Wherever you end up at night in Ibiza, be sure to stake out a good view of the "Disco Sunrise," as most clubs offer a transparent ceiling to heighten the effect of the morning light. Barring destruction of Biblical proportions, Ibiza, or "The Gomorrah of the Mediterranean" as it's known to be called, will continue to thump its bass into the morning every day of the week without a hint of guilt. To quote Where I've Been user Miguel, "I didn't know what I was getting into...but NO REGRETS!"

Patong Beach, Phuket, Thailand

The old platitude "anything goes" has always been an exaggeration, but Patong Beach might be the closest a place gets to the true meaning of the phrase. Patong Beach is one of the most lively spots for nightlife on the planet and gets dubbed the "party capital of Asia" for a multitude of reasons. Here's a pretty big one: Whether it's your thing or not, the outskirts of Patong Beach thrive on the sex industry--whatever the orientation or fetish, there's probably someone along Patong that has specialized in that craft for 15 years. But if that's, you know, your thing, then by all means. Sex is certainly a subject of focus around Patong (where is it not?), but if you prefer more subtlety to your hedonism you can still find it in abundance. By day, the subtlety takes a more extreme form--Patong is one of the top tourist destinations in Phuket, and while it's a beautiful beach, the shoreline errs more on the wholesome side. When the sky gets darker, droves of randy party-hounds flood locales like Clublime, which piles on the pulsating electro and dance tracks to go along with foam parties and a thrice-weekly booze cruise on their 90-foot boat. There's also the velvet-roped, neon disco swank of Seduction, offering a more traditional club feel, or the old favorite Safari, the open-late dance club with the kitschy jungle theme, outdoor music and rock climbing wall. And there's never a dull moment at the transvestite cabarets like the Moulin Rose. No matter where you are in Patong Beach, follow the music and a sleazy time awaits you.

Mykonos Island, Greece

In case you ever forget where you are, here you can count on the trademark reminder: A deafening foghorn, followed by someone screaming "MY-KO-NOS!" into a megaphone. It'll be hard to forget after that--perhaps it's a method of hypnotism, because most people who return from Mykonos swear by its lifestyle (and loud chant). Epicureanism, the ancient Greek philosophy of total indulgence, finds its home in Mykonos, where white sandy beaches and beautiful scenery also make refuge for beautiful people and loud partiers. Psarrou Beach is where serious action gets bumping by night, with a clothing-optional dress code and some of the world's finest DJs spinning until the next morning, with Paradise Beach offering much of the same. Super Paradise Beach has a vibrant gay party scene and also refuses to pull the cord until sunrise. As Where I've Been users can attest--perhaps as a throwback to the no-shame Greek bath houses of old--nakedness just tends to come easier in Mykonos; past indulgers Jacki and Terrill both claim the island as their first experiences in nude sunbathing. Please make sure to lather as directed. It's time-tested and most certainly not mother-approved--Greece may be some of Earth's most fertile soil to sow the wild oats.

South Beach, Miami, Florida

Its clientele is a few shades different from the 80s Miami vice-seekers in pastel-colors--the new-millennium version has evolved into a rich mutant party-beast decked out in Armani. But Miami is still the cultural crossroads of the Americas and South Beach its velvet-roped epicenter, where the currency is a shot of Patron and the language is skimpy, high-priced fashion. What's left of the pastels can be found in the Art-Deco architecture of the surrounding locales, including the hopping night spots. Since the attention span of South Beachers flickers in and out like a dance-floor strobe light, you can count on new clubs spawning and respawning each year along the storied Ocean Drive. Hardbodies currently get flexy at Mansion, formerly known as Level, an obscenely large mega-club where your admission can very well be based on how much you've dressed to impress (or how many strategic cosmetic alterations you've made to your physical appearance). Club Nikki is similarly strict, but VIP rooms at both places at the right time of the year ups your chances of getting a glimpse of a vacationing Kanye West or Lindsay Lohan. Where I've Been fan Claudine nearly had a run-in with beauty Halle Berry, while user Ray got to shoot hoops with the Harlem Globetrotters at Alonzo Mourning's Summer Camp. South Beach is never predictable and its waters glimmer like the stars that frequent its ritzy clubs.